I happen to be one of those who fear anxiousness and anxiety. It has been 25 years since I left my country to the USA. Since I left my country, I have been living in fear almost all my life. I am 48 years now.
I had unpleasant emotions which caused my depression when I began my new life living in a new place with a 24-month-old son.
I missed my family back home. I thought this is not normal since I don’t have any family in the United States.
I’ve been keeping my fear with me since then. I never talk to my family members about this. In 1994 it was costly to call international numbers.
I thought it would be helpful if I could share my experiences with other people. Maybe I can share some tips to help you overcome. I will be addressing some ideas and how I challenged my fear, anxiousness, and anxiety.
I felt brave enough to write this with the impression that someone out there is suffering from depression, anxiousness, and anxiety-like me.
I will tell you the steps I took to overcome and how you can also.
WHERE AND WHEN IT ALL STARTED
I didn’t live a life like a normal American single mom. I am from Bangladesh and was new to the USA with a 24-month-old baby with me.
I had to adapt everything; homesickness, new country, new culture, a new language, everything was new to me.
Raising my son by myself was also new and challenging for me. I did this without any support. My ex-husband did not come to the USA, so I had to raise my son without child support and family. That was my biggest fear. I was so depressed and anxious all the time.
After my second year living in the United States, I met a guy on the New York subway. He was from Bangladesh. We talked and exchanged phone numbers, and finally, we were dating, and I had a boyfriend.
I liked him and fell in love. He supported and helped me with everything. I thought that one day we would marry and start a new family.
After three years of my relationship with him, I got pregnant. He told me to go for abortion as we cannot have a child without marriage.
I knew that we couldn’t have a child without marriage so who cares I am here in the USA it’s legal to have a child with being married.
I lost trust in the world. I was lost and confused. My fear, anxiousness, and anxiety grew.
I was so angry with him, and my beliefs and his beliefs were different; I wanted to keep my baby because I am not in Bangladesh anymore. I called a good friend, he was in Virginia and was my project manager. He was the one that hired me to come to the USA.
I worked for him in Bangladesh. I told him about the situation that I am two months pregnant.
He told me to move to Virginia. I was so afraid because I was pregnant and my older son is only four years old. I had no idea what to do.
I was so fearful and anxious about how to tell my family back home. They are not used to this. In Bangladesh, you cannot have a child if you were not married.
In 1994 we didn’t have a cell phone nor easy access to call internationally. The telephone bill was costly. My international calls lead to my phone disconnect.
I feared to carry the child without marriage even though it is accepted in the United States, and it’s the other way around in my family.
When I went to the hospital, I put my older son in the back seat, and my school friend came over to help me for a month.
She didn’t know how to drive, so I drove to the hospital myself with my labor pain. I was so anxious and depressed.
The doctor asked me who drove me to the hospital, and I told her I drove myself. It was false labor, so they sent me home.
She refused to release me from the hospital until someone came and drove me home. I called my friend, John and he sent his wife EVA to drive me home. She stayed with me for three days.
My newborn child was born, a vacuum baby. The air went to his lungs. The doctor had to do surgery right away so the doctor can bring the bubbles from his lungs.
I had many stitches, so I have to stay in the hospital for a week. So next day doctor came back to me and asked me to sign the waiver so they could operate again. They did not want to put the pipe in the same hole because of infection possibility.
I did not know what to do, and fear, anxiousness, and anxiety took over. My head was going all negative.
I went to the doctor, and my doctor prescribes me medicine for my anxiety. It calmed me down, but the depression could not make my feelings go away.
My heartbeat very fast, my muscles felt weak, and I was sweating a lot. My stomach churned.
I found it hard to concentrate on anything. I felt dizzy and frozen to the spot, and I could not eat. I had hot and cold sweats.
I had a dry mouth, and all my muscles were tense.
HOW I DID IT AND HOW YOU TOO CAN
So I started going to therapy and the doctor, regularly talking to my therapist about my fears. She spoke to me and gave me advice.
These are some techniques that worked for me that will probably work for you
I focus on myself without thinking of what people thought or said. I got to know myself better and learn about my fear and anxiety.
I began to write down my daily thoughts which included what made me anxious and fearful. So I could then address myself.
I had to appreciate that which God has done for me and develop the belief that God has a plan for me. I am beautiful; I am going to do good work; I will take care of my sons and myself.
If I don’t love and take care of myself, how do I care for my son and my newborn baby? I was always trying to think positive and try to stay with positive people.
BE PROUD OF YOU
At a point, I became proud of myself. I was brave; I am taking care of my sons by myself.
Today I am a very proud mom. I placed staying away from negative people a priority so I can be a better person in the future and forever. I am pleased that it paid off and I am happy to take this step.
Self -Awareness is essential to me now. I had made so many mistakes all my life. I was not aware of the potentials vested in me.
I started learning new skills. I looked at myself objectively and wrote down my daily goals and daily self-reflection. I also began daily meditation and other mindfulness habits.
I am one of those who dislike exercise. I saw exercise as that which is not my cup of tea. I later discovered that I was wrong.
I started to walk in the park near my house. I enjoyed it. It was the Manassas Battlefield. I felt well after a couple of weeks.
This sweetness made me call my friend Kal so she could join me. To this day, I still love to walk as it helps me to think positively.
EAT HEALTHY FOOD
I love to cook, and I am a food lover. I eat healthy all my life. I was born and raised in a different country where we still eat fresh (no frozen food or canned food ).
It was not that hard for me to adapt to that style here in the United States. I believe what you put in your body impacts how you feel.
Think of taking care of your body as you take care of your car. If you don’t take care of your vehicle; it will give you problems. Same is applied to our body.
I love yoga. It makes me feel very relaxed and impacts how well I sleep at night. It makes me sweat and then focus on myself.
I enrolled in Arrichion, and the experience was superb. I love the class called Topaz; it improves my balance, strength, and increases my flexibility, and my thinking became more much clearer.
I also like the Diamond class. Slow deep flow with very calming music in a hot candlelit room. I recommend yoga. It connects your body and mind.
I Love hot sauna. You have no idea how much I love the sauna. I kept my gym membership because of the sauna.
Sauna made me very calm and relaxed for many years. I am hooked. If I don’t go to the sauna, I fell different. It also detoxes your body.
Faith and belief is an individual choice. I believe in my God I come from a very religious family, but I am not that religious, but I believe in God.
I pray to God to give me strength and show me the path and protect me and guide me.
FINAL WORDS ON BEATING FEAR, ANXIOUSNESS AND ANXIETY
At every stage of our life, failing is inevitable but I raise myself and try again. Each time I remember I have my friends and family who love and support me, no matter what; it makes me feel good.
I grow and learn all the time. We are all on a journey, failure is never final. We should be kind to ourselves (and others) and trust our journey. I am happy that at the end, I was beating my fear, anxiousness, and anxiety.